Steven P.

SP-profile.jpg

Cornwall, England

Comirnaty SARS-CoV-2 mRNA

Dose 1: 19 June 2021          Batch #: FA1027

Dose 2: 20 August 2021      Batch #: FE3380

If I could turn back time I would not have the COVID vaccine. It’s difficult, even with cancer there’s a chance for healing or recovery. But you can’t recover from this. It’s quite quick.

Ignorance is bliss – not knowing how and when you are going to die.

I never wanted to have the vaccinations. My confidence in medical treatments was not high. While studying for nursing at Cardiff University, I would see pharmaceutical reps come in with a whole stead of food to sell their products on our lunch break. I learned that statistics could be easily manipulated to fit anyone’s narrative. I had an issue with anti-depressants (SSRI Lexapro) prescribed to me at 18. I don’t agree that doctors should prescribe these so easily. My mood started changing, I felt numb. I was quite naïve back then and tried to come off them. I suffered greatly trying to go off them gradually. From my own research I found out that SSRI use can stop the body’s ability to produce serotonin, creating a vicious cycle. These experiences made me suspicious of medications.

The pressure on UK citizens to get vaccinated was severe. You couldn’t go into pubs, stores, see a movie or even travel without proof of two doses. Everyone was signing up to get their vaccinations. I held back each time the NHS would schedule a visit for me to get mine. I didn’t feel good about taking it. In my head I knew the best immunity was natural immunity. I actually caught COVID and feared my cough would worsen and I’d end up in hospital. They were showing body bags on the TV and hospitals filled with people on ventilators. But COVID-19 was no worse than a two day flu for me. It came and went. I was absolutely fine. But the government would track everyone who tested positive. They were allowed access to your GPS coordinates, and you would be rung up to see where you were and what you were planning to do after you caught COVID.

Both my grandparents passed during COVID in 2021. We couldn’t really get to see them. We weren’t allowed to even touch their coffin. They did not die of COVID, but their death certificates said they did. Trying to make sense of these restrictions and realizing top officials had direct connections to the pharmaceutical companies and personal protective clothing they were insisting we use, made me very wary.

We were required to download the National Health Service (NHS) app and have a COVID passport. It gave you a QR code as proof you had been vaccinated. My father was in his late 70s and very concerned about catching COVID. Our Prime Minister would hold weekly updates on TV creating more fear. I remember thinking the person coming up with the vaccine for this new virus would make billions. The pressure was increasing because of how scary our news was. If you didn’t get it, you weren’t doing your bit and you were harming other people. You could kill someone on chemo or with lower immunity if you didn’t get the vaccine. If you were unvaccinated you were made to feel unworthy. During much of my career I had traveled extensively as a photographer/videographer. I wanted to fly and go on vacation and travel. I thought that clearly I must have it. I felt like I had to comply and I had no evidence, other than my hunch and my gut, to cling to. The pressure was ridiculous. My father even said he would go into a trial to be the first one to take it. He was one of the first to take it once it became available to the general population. He experienced no issues.

We were not allowed to choose our vaccines. You were given an appointment and whatever was available, you received. My girlfriend received vaccines from two different manufacturers. Both of mine were Pfizer. You didn’t have a choice. You’d pop your arm in and get what they gave you. I may have had a slightly sore arm after the first dose, but nothing memorable or noticeable. I may have felt a bit tired after the second dose, but again, nothing worth remembering.

I had booked a vacation to an isle off Spain, eager to travel having received both doses. The experience was frightening. While the NHS offered free COVID-19 tests, these were not accepted for travel. You had to pay 50 pounds for a new test each time you traveled. I did everything properly and yet the process was still unbelievable. If your flight was delayed, causing your test to be just 10 minutes outside the time frame, they would forbid you to fly. I saw this guy walking away from the gate and I asked, “What happened?” He said because of the time difference stamp, his test showed an hour outside of the time frame, they wouldn’t let him travel. On my return from Spain we had to pay for a test and their testing required the swab to go through the nose to the back of the throat, which seemed a very weird way of doing things. Returning to travel brought some normalcy, but the challenge of navigating testing and vaccination proofs were a great hindrance.

About six months after receiving the vaccinations I felt my thumb was weaker and cramping quite a bit. With my profession (photographer), I’m on the phone all the time. It alarmed me to not be able to use my thumb properly and guessed it might be carpal tunnel syndrome. I made an appointment with the NHS to see the doctor. The doctor checked for muscle atrophy and recommended a nerve conduction study. You barely get a 10 minute appointment with a doctor, and it can be weeks before they can schedule a nerve conduction study. While waiting for the appointment for the study, I was working out at the gym. I do a lot of martial arts and jujitsu. Part of the training is completing a series of circuits for strength training. As I was completing one of these circuits, specifically the bicep curls, I noticed it was a lot harder to complete the circuit with my left arm. As I tried to complete the curl, my left bicep would twitch like crazy. I had completed these same circuits for over seven years and never experienced this before. I did a bit of research and the symptoms seemed to point to Motor Neuron Disease (MND). Alarmed, I rang my doctor again and told him I was quite scared. The doctor scoffed and laughed, “It’s highly unlikely to be any cause for concern”. I felt stupid for being concerned.

But I felt something was not right with me. I had the nerve conduction study done and the results showed no issue with my nerves. They recommended I have an electromyography (EMG) to test further. This clinic could not make the referral. They said I would have to go back to my doctor and they would send a letter encouraging the EMG to be scheduled, but that they couldn’t make the referral. I felt a sense of urgency and wanted answers. I abandoned going through the NHS and at a very great expense, searched for specialists through private pay, who could address my issues. I had to travel five to six hours each way for these tests. Before the EMG was scheduled, I had an MRI scan which also showed no abnormal findings. And it’s very difficult to see the same doctor through the NHS. I never did see that first GP again.

While they’re running these tests, you’re given an initial overview of their findings, but they go back and evaluate for a final assessment. I remember going and being so anxious, asking if they could give me any findings. He just said I shouldn’t worry. I asked what percentage chance could it be that I have MND. He said less than a 50% chance. They said they can’t do anything for it, and that I would have to wait until the EMG test was completed to get a diagnosis. MND is very difficult to diagnose. My mum, a retired nurse, was the only one who believed me. Everyone else made me feel stupid for thinking I had it. It was my mother who found this center, John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, to complete these last exams. The first neurologist tested my reflexes and strength and said he didn’t believe anything was wrong. He said it was likely posterior nerve damage. I felt slightly relieved, but I didn’t feel right. The more I read, the more I felt there was nothing else it could be. I went back again with my sister and girlfriend to see a different neurologist. He was not a people person; very clinical. He gave me a quick physical examination and ordered another set of tests. After reviewing the results of these tests, he came in and told me he’d seen the results of the tests and they proved I have MND. He said life expectancy was six months to 20 years, they can’t predict. His recommendations were to not lose weight and avoid strenuous exercise. The doctors gave no advice on supplements, diet, or offered any support. Having waited over nine months for this diagnosis, I was overwhelmed. I took an intentional overdose and ended up in a coma for two weeks. My memory of that night’s events was wiped from the drugs I took.

I’ve struggled. It’s a harsh reality believing that no one is ever going to take responsibility. I feel it’s out of my hands. The average length of life after diagnosis is two years. I’ve joined a group on social media and watched others lose their speech and ability to walk. Very few friends check in on me. You feel trapped in your own body. It’s frightening. Part of me does not want to do things. The past two months I have been bed-ridden. I can still walk, but mobility is limited and if I fall on the floor, it’s very difficult to get back up. I did try to go on after the diagnosis. I went to a UFC fight and sat next to a professional fighter who struck up a conversation with me. I had given up my career as a photographer, but I told him if he ever had a need, I could follow him to a fight and create a video for him. He invited me to Las Vegas earlier this year (2023) where I was able to create a video of his fights. I knew then it was more than likely the last time I’d travel. To stop disappointment, I just stopped doing things. I haven’t left the apartment in two months.

I’m going to die before my parents and so many things keep me up at night. My dad is 81 and my mum is spending a lot of time trying to find help for me. My supplements cost 300 pounds a month. My mum is seeing more and more younger people diagnosed with MND. I want to disassociate myself from the disease. The progression is slow, it is really difficult to judge my decline. I can’t unscrew bottle caps and the weakness in my legs is getting worse. The weakness started in my left arm and if my arm is cold, I can’t use it.

I feel so angry and helpless. I feel like this is the thalidomide scandal all over again and my death will be gently brushed under the carpet.

SP-profile.jpg

Cornwall, England

Comirnaty SARS-CoV-2 mRNA

Dose 1: 19 June 2021          Batch #: FA1027

Dose 2: 20 August 2021      Batch #: FE3380

If I could turn back time I would not have the COVID vaccine. It’s difficult, even with cancer there’s a chance for healing or recovery. But you can’t recover from this. It’s quite quick.

Ignorance is bliss – not knowing how and when you are going to die.

I never wanted to have the vaccinations. My confidence in medical treatments was not high. While studying for nursing at Cardiff University, I would see pharmaceutical reps come in with a whole stead of food to sell their products on our lunch break. I learned that statistics could be easily manipulated to fit anyone’s narrative. I had an issue with anti-depressants (SSRI Lexapro) prescribed to me at 18. I don’t agree that doctors should prescribe these so easily. My mood started changing, I felt numb. I was quite naïve back then and tried to come off them. I suffered greatly trying to go off them gradually. From my own research I found out that SSRI use can stop the body’s ability to produce serotonin, creating a vicious cycle. These experiences made me suspicious of medications.

The pressure on UK citizens to get vaccinated was severe. You couldn’t go into pubs, stores, see a movie or even travel without proof of two doses. Everyone was signing up to get their vaccinations. I held back each time the NHS would schedule a visit for me to get mine. I didn’t feel good about taking it. In my head I knew the best immunity was natural immunity. I actually caught COVID and feared my cough would worsen and I’d end up in hospital. They were showing body bags on the TV and hospitals filled with people on ventilators. But COVID-19 was no worse than a two day flu for me. It came and went. I was absolutely fine. But the government would track everyone who tested positive. They were allowed access to your GPS coordinates, and you would be rung up to see where you were and what you were planning to do after you caught COVID.

Both my grandparents passed during COVID in 2021. We couldn’t really get to see them. We weren’t allowed to even touch their coffin. They did not die of COVID, but their death certificates said they did. Trying to make sense of these restrictions and realizing top officials had direct connections to the pharmaceutical companies and personal protective clothing they were insisting we use, made me very wary.

We were required to download the National Health Service (NHS) app and have a COVID passport. It gave you a QR code as proof you had been vaccinated. My father was in his late 70s and very concerned about catching COVID. Our Prime Minister would hold weekly updates on TV creating more fear. I remember thinking the person coming up with the vaccine for this new virus would make billions. The pressure was increasing because of how scary our news was. If you didn’t get it, you weren’t doing your bit and you were harming other people. You could kill someone on chemo or with lower immunity if you didn’t get the vaccine. If you were unvaccinated you were made to feel unworthy. During much of my career I had traveled extensively as a photographer/videographer. I wanted to fly and go on vacation and travel. I thought that clearly I must have it. I felt like I had to comply and I had no evidence, other than my hunch and my gut, to cling to. The pressure was ridiculous. My father even said he would go into a trial to be the first one to take it. He was one of the first to take it once it became available to the general population. He experienced no issues.

We were not allowed to choose our vaccines. You were given an appointment and whatever was available, you received. My girlfriend received vaccines from two different manufacturers. Both of mine were Pfizer. You didn’t have a choice. You’d pop your arm in and get what they gave you. I may have had a slightly sore arm after the first dose, but nothing memorable or noticeable. I may have felt a bit tired after the second dose, but again, nothing worth remembering.

I had booked a vacation to an isle off Spain, eager to travel having received both doses. The experience was frightening. While the NHS offered free COVID-19 tests, these were not accepted for travel. You had to pay 50 pounds for a new test each time you traveled. I did everything properly and yet the process was still unbelievable. If your flight was delayed, causing your test to be just 10 minutes outside the time frame, they would forbid you to fly. I saw this guy walking away from the gate and I asked, “What happened?” He said because of the time difference stamp, his test showed an hour outside of the time frame, they wouldn’t let him travel. On my return from Spain we had to pay for a test and their testing required the swab to go through the nose to the back of the throat, which seemed a very weird way of doing things. Returning to travel brought some normalcy, but the challenge of navigating testing and vaccination proofs were a great hindrance.

About six months after receiving the vaccinations I felt my thumb was weaker and cramping quite a bit. With my profession (photographer), I’m on the phone all the time. It alarmed me to not be able to use my thumb properly and guessed it might be carpal tunnel syndrome. I made an appointment with the NHS to see the doctor. The doctor checked for muscle atrophy and recommended a nerve conduction study. You barely get a 10 minute appointment with a doctor, and it can be weeks before they can schedule a nerve conduction study. While waiting for the appointment for the study, I was working out at the gym. I do a lot of martial arts and jujitsu. Part of the training is completing a series of circuits for strength training. As I was completing one of these circuits, specifically the bicep curls, I noticed it was a lot harder to complete the circuit with my left arm. As I tried to complete the curl, my left bicep would twitch like crazy. I had completed these same circuits for over seven years and never experienced this before. I did a bit of research and the symptoms seemed to point to Motor Neuron Disease (MND). Alarmed, I rang my doctor again and told him I was quite scared. The doctor scoffed and laughed, “It’s highly unlikely to be any cause for concern”. I felt stupid for being concerned.

But I felt something was not right with me. I had the nerve conduction study done and the results showed no issue with my nerves. They recommended I have an electromyography (EMG) to test further. This clinic could not make the referral. They said I would have to go back to my doctor and they would send a letter encouraging the EMG to be scheduled, but that they couldn’t make the referral. I felt a sense of urgency and wanted answers. I abandoned going through the NHS and at a very great expense, searched for specialists through private pay, who could address my issues. I had to travel five to six hours each way for these tests. Before the EMG was scheduled, I had an MRI scan which also showed no abnormal findings. And it’s very difficult to see the same doctor through the NHS. I never did see that first GP again.

While they’re running these tests, you’re given an initial overview of their findings, but they go back and evaluate for a final assessment. I remember going and being so anxious, asking if they could give me any findings. He just said I shouldn’t worry. I asked what percentage chance could it be that I have MND. He said less than a 50% chance. They said they can’t do anything for it, and that I would have to wait until the EMG test was completed to get a diagnosis. MND is very difficult to diagnose. My mum, a retired nurse, was the only one who believed me. Everyone else made me feel stupid for thinking I had it. It was my mother who found this center, John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, to complete these last exams. The first neurologist tested my reflexes and strength and said he didn’t believe anything was wrong. He said it was likely posterior nerve damage. I felt slightly relieved, but I didn’t feel right. The more I read, the more I felt there was nothing else it could be. I went back again with my sister and girlfriend to see a different neurologist. He was not a people person; very clinical. He gave me a quick physical examination and ordered another set of tests. After reviewing the results of these tests, he came in and told me he’d seen the results of the tests and they proved I have MND. He said life expectancy was six months to 20 years, they can’t predict. His recommendations were to not lose weight and avoid strenuous exercise. The doctors gave no advice on supplements, diet, or offered any support. Having waited over nine months for this diagnosis, I was overwhelmed. I took an intentional overdose and ended up in a coma for two weeks. My memory of that night’s events was wiped from the drugs I took.

I’ve struggled. It’s a harsh reality believing that no one is ever going to take responsibility. I feel it’s out of my hands. The average length of life after diagnosis is two years. I’ve joined a group on social media and watched others lose their speech and ability to walk. Very few friends check in on me. You feel trapped in your own body. It’s frightening. Part of me does not want to do things. The past two months I have been bed-ridden. I can still walk, but mobility is limited and if I fall on the floor, it’s very difficult to get back up. I did try to go on after the diagnosis. I went to a UFC fight and sat next to a professional fighter who struck up a conversation with me. I had given up my career as a photographer, but I told him if he ever had a need, I could follow him to a fight and create a video for him. He invited me to Las Vegas earlier this year (2023) where I was able to create a video of his fights. I knew then it was more than likely the last time I’d travel. To stop disappointment, I just stopped doing things. I haven’t left the apartment in two months.

I’m going to die before my parents and so many things keep me up at night. My dad is 81 and my mum is spending a lot of time trying to find help for me. My supplements cost 300 pounds a month. My mum is seeing more and more younger people diagnosed with MND. I want to disassociate myself from the disease. The progression is slow, it is really difficult to judge my decline. I can’t unscrew bottle caps and the weakness in my legs is getting worse. The weakness started in my left arm and if my arm is cold, I can’t use it.

I feel so angry and helpless. I feel like this is the thalidomide scandal all over again and my death will be gently brushed under the carpet.

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